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Brett Keane - Diary - What has been going on with me?

Spending time with my wife and kids. In October we all went to the Creepy world. A haunted house in Missouri. Had tons of fun. Now my birthday and Christmas coming up. Been playing video games and reading. Everything in my home is good. I've been at peace leaving youtube and a majority of social media.

However, not everything has been wonderful. Last night I saw my sister's kids and they ask me why they never get to see me anymore. Apparently, my sister never got around to explaining to them her decisions on having nothing to do with me. Has to be hard on them. They had a lot of fun over at my place. My daughter enjoyed their company. I will not be the one to explain to them how their mother advanced her business and chose to only have people in her life who kiss her ass and are readily willing to be used whenever she needs something. I always knew that if my sister and brother made it big in any fashion I would become dead to them. I hate to be right all the time. It's a curse, not a blessing.

My grandfather would, of course, defend her. What better reason to abandon your oldest brother by claiming he wrote something unpleasant on a facebook comment. Oh dear God...a few shallow females from a beauty salon may have seen it...burn the witch (I'm joking about me being the witch lmao). The truth is she dropped me long before a sporadic facebook comment about how she has nothing to do with me and only seems to be around people with money and unlimited resources. I'm pretty damn sure had we not been related and she saw me walking down a sidewalk a thousand times she would never have nothing to do with me. But I'm humble and know my place in this world. I know I'm a man with limitations and barely anything to give when it comes to cash. I'm not naive and think sharing the same blood means shit to anyone. I expect no change with her.

My brother and I have degraded. I've grown tired of constant lying and narcism. For the last few years, his constant lying brought me to a point where when he talks I just zone out. He goes through musicians and potentially creative people like a knife in a wet paper bag. I believed in him and his dream as he calls it. Just like my sister I knew that if he ever got the chance to make it big I would soon disappear from his life. But he never advanced. His ability as a guitar player good but his attitude and personality smells of shit. Why?

1. He has become the guy who has the talent but cares so little about other people he sabotages every person and opportunity he gets. It's always about him and no one else matters.
2. Everyone else is to blame when things go south.
3. Will not take advice and blows everything out of proportion.
4. Will not take criticism.

My brother will most likely run into more people and they will never be good enough. Even if people support him he will only care about hearing himself and drown everyone else out. The future is clear. If he makes it to 40-50 he will be the guy who talks about how great he is and it's everyone else's fault that he has gone nowhere. I had always wanted the best for him and loved him enough to die for him. Now I don't give a fuck anymore. I've removed him from my websites, Tee spring, music. Everything. He was never thankful for anything I did anyway. I and everyone else was expected to give and be there. He can keep the video's I made for him with his music.

So what was the last straw? I tried giving him one last chance. Massive shit talking. Years of fights and lies. He told me countless times he hated me and wished me dead. He has gotten violent with me. The list goes on. After all the bullshit I attempted to offer my services as a musician to him because I wanted to help him live the dream. I wanted to be side by side with my brother. I didn't want anything from him but his company and make some music with him. Have some laughs, fun, and rock out. I told him straight up I don't need a cut of anything.

He informed me after we had a long talk that we would do some stuff on Friday. I came over. He tells me that he plans on doing all his old songs with one single guy who he knew for a few months or more. Why the guy didn't know how to play any of his old tunes, to begin with, is anyone's guess. He informed me he would not require any keyboards for any of the old material. So basically if we went live I would be dead air for 8 lengthy tracks. They began playing a new song they barely had finished before all this that also had no vision of keyboards.

It was clear to me my brother was not making any effort to expand or allow anyone else to contribute any ideas. I've always been content if I can try to do something and if at the end of the day I fail I can always be at peace knowing at least I tried or was given a chance.

My brother has complained all his life that no one gives him a chance. No one cares. Everyone is full of shit. I don't think he is self-aware of his self-projection.

I told him awhile back he is a prodigy on the guitar. But when it comes to being a brother or even a friend....the song becomes the sound of silence.

My siblings would sell me out in a heartbeat. I have no doubt anymore.

Last but not least my Father moved up here. That went nowhere for my kids, wife, or me. No wonder my mother got so sick being around a vacant empty asshole.

As for me. I'm a man with a hard life who has made some mistakes. Born to a family of sociopaths. Surviving in a world filled with a bloodthirsty species who gets off on harming and killing each other. I still believe in the existence of God but unimpressed with the results of creation. When you're young the thought of immortality is awesome. Now when it comes to my soul and spiritual walk I'm not at all concerned if I'm going to heaven or hell. If any of it turns out like my life...I can't see it as a pleasant experience. After all the years I finally understand why my mother committed suicide. This planet and its inhabitants drove her insane. She lost the man she loved and her kids. I could easily see myself pleading for death on my knees if it wasn't for my wife and kids. Yes, I credit God for all that he has given me.

But I never forget...he takes it all away.

Brett Keane
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