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Brett Keane - Diary - Suicide vs Boredom

You ever feel like you've seen enough. That nothing moving forward will stimulate your brain in any way? I suppose it's one of the reason's I got into religion and science of the universe. Helps me stay hopeful and curious. God and science give me hope. If this was all there was I see no valid reason to exist. If I'm just an accident with no plan and my future is set by being nothing more than mere chemicals...suicide is viable.

Sure I successfully passed my genes. Experienced love and loss. I've come to the conclusion faith give's you perspective. Extra outlook where it's needed. As long as mankind believes he has options and doors to open it's almost enough to inspire and continue what can sometimes be a somewhat dull adventure.

I've been playing a lot of Skyrim lately. I keep modding it to the point the game is crashing and exploding on me lol. I would be a terrible God. I run out of patience and constantly need to add more drama and crazy shit. This might sound stupid but I find myself entertained more by adding more to this world then actually playing the game. The bible says God made all this and it was good. You don't often hear or see humans just stop and say...it is finished and it is good. We always want more or we break everything we touch.

I have never made it through half of the game of Skyrim due to this OCD or attention deficit issue. I'm fully aware I could beat the entire game in less than a month after years of it existing. My problem is I don't want the game to end. I want it to have a purpose. I want the world to reflect my creativity and soul. But in reality time is running out and my pc can't handle my twisted imagination.

It's funny when you think about it. Someone created a game that you can add your own spin to. Create alongside the creator and in doing so you create the purpose for the designer and yourself.

I have a question for all of you before I go play Skyrim or Fallout. Do you believe the unmodded world of Skyrim and Fallout game could create itself without a developer? Do you believe the game could just appear or come into existence through random events with no source or point of origin? The game world is small with the illusion of being bigger and expansive. Could any of these pixels survive without a conscience? Are our experiences real or just simulated? If you're designed and programmed then reality itself would be nothing more than math and parameters.

Do you notice that anything designed with logic usually serves a plan and purpose?

Ok, I'm bored now. No worries. I will not commit suicide. I'm off to play the game.

Brett Keane
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