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Why Did Brett Keane Quit So Many Times Yet Returned to YouTube...Why This is Different?

Youtube for the longest time was my only medium to the outside world. Because of my Agoraphobia that steadily worsened over the years I became limited to where I could go in this world. In order to make friends I used social media as my way to plugin to the planet.

However my depression and anxiety made it difficult for me to get along with others. I was in a great mood sometimes and other times to the brink of suicide. I'm 40 years old and freak out about my mother taking her life at 44. The condition ruined my desire to go out on stage with my brother to do music. I could not attend anything with my children that was far away or required Highways.

The last faraway place I went years ago was Florida. They say my condition is based on depression and traumatic events. It would take forever for me to explain the crash and burns. The death and losses in my life. Of course I tried with all my power and ability to overcome this. But as I get older. It has worsened considerably. 

I have other health issues as well. But will not talk about any of it on the internet. This is as much as I will share. 

So now those who read this can understand why something like youtube meant so much. It was my telephone to the world to reach out.

However when it comes to social media my fan base was wiped out several times due to false flagging. I've been dmca'd. Demonetized. Websites hacked. Everything that can happen to a internet user bad I've experienced. I've been the victim of countless cyber crimes. People have sent me shit with Viruses.

My video's about religion, Atheism, Science, Politics, Movies, Music, Games and the list goes on. The drama and religious video's caused loss with Atheist friends and Christians. I would wake up in the morning and there was another video by strangers tearing me down emotionally because I believed in God or didn't. Politics makes enemies real fucking fast as well.

It kept getting more personal and insane as the days went by. So like many users there were days I just said fuck it. I quit. But every time some would come to me and say no Brett....don't leave! Even enemies said NOOOOOOO Brett don't go. I know some think I'm super intelligent and others say I'm a dumb fuck. The truth is I was lost in darkness and had no idea what the fuck I was doing sometimes.

I believed I could email people and work shit out. Settle differences. Find closure with complete fucking strangers who wanted to rip my heart out of my asshole. YouTube was never a place I should have ever come to.

I quit I quit I quit...you're fucking killing me. I just want my ability to share my thoughts. Stop robbing me of one of my few outlets. All of this made me worse. It lessened me as a man. I was no longer human. Why can't I stop being in this place. I prayed to God...please give me the strength to stoppppppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!

It came to a point where the outside world no longer cared what I had to say and I no longer gave a fuck about the planet right back. I realized I was a weak Atheist and an even weaker Christian. A huge fucking mess.

Had I not found God you would not see my shitty blog. My shitty tweets or facebook post. The only keeping me alive was my wife, kids, siblings. And God.

So I made a deal with someone I used to care about with all my heart long ago. I responded to TheAmazingAtheist TJ Kirk and wrote this to him ...
I wanted him to make a legal contract that binds me from youtube to never return. I want this social media experience to end. I will be on video with him one last time and that will be it. No more chat. No more shows. I even requested that he has bragging rights for ending this bullshit once in for all for me.

He agreed.

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